I'm in Love and Always Will Be
by marshmallowfluff25
Summary: Paul loves Suze, but Suze doesn't return his feelings. Better than the summary, lol! Paul's POV, After Twilight, and SongFic to White Flag.


Hey guys! I hope you like it, its kinda long! I'd love it if you could give me some feedback! Too long for a song fic? Too many detail? Too much dialog? I don't know! But I'd love it if you guys would review! Oh right, and I don't own the rights to anything but the plot! Well I hope you like!

Hugs,

Katie

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"**I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,  
Or tell you that.  
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it  
where's the sense in that?"**

I stood against a pole in the breezeway. As if on a silent cue… well okay, it _was_ a silent cue… the big hand hit the twelve and everyone streamed out of their classrooms. I sighed and skimmed the hallway for a glimpse of chestnut hair and green eyes… and most likely some new designer shoes. I chuckled to myself when I saw her. Of course, with her albino and gay friends… well I suppose the boy… what was his name? A-? Andy? Ash? Adam? Adam, that was it. Now what was I saying? Oh just that he and the albino chick were now "an item"… figures… the class freaks have to stick together. Not that Suze was a class freak… she didn't have to hang with people like that when she could just hang around with people like me. I hurried after her to catch up. "Hey, Suze!"

She looked over her shoulder, and said something to her friends and they slowed for a minute, until I caught up. "Hey." She said warmly, with a smile. Wow, times sure have changed. And it had only been a few months. Well let's just say that Suze and I get along a lot better when I don't hit on her. Shame I was going to screw it all up. The way I figured it, all or nothing, but Paul Slater doesn't lose… _ever_.

"Hey Suze, can we, er, talk?" She gave me a weird look, but all the same told her friends not to wait on her, that she would meet them at the table.

"Hey, what's up?" She said, sending me that confused look again.

"Umm… I just-" I hesitated and then just blurted it out. "Will you go to the end of the year dance with me?"

First she had a confused look on her face, but then it transformed into a blank look. "You're joking right?" I just looked at her. "Please, Paul, _please_ tell me you were just joking." When I didn't answer, her look turned to one of anger. "…Oh my, God. I should have known." She put her hand to her forehead. "Why now Paul? Why do you have to go and screw everything up? We were all good, friends even. And now this."

I just stood there looking at her. "Come on Suze." I shot her a winning grin. "You can't tell me you don't feel something. Even a little bit. We would make such a better couple then you and Rico Suave over there. You hardly even see him anymore, with your school and his school and studying and whatnot. We'd see each other every day, and I'd treat you better then he ever has."

She put her hand to her head again, as if she had a headache, but then she dropped it and put it to her hip. "Oh. My. God. You did not- did you just say what I think you said?" I grinned at her, even though I felt like she had struck me. "We've been through this _Paul_. We have. Yes, I'd admit that I have felt something, and I'm sure that you do too, but you know what that is? It's lust. _Lust,_ Paul. You don't really care about me. It's all just a stupid game of pride. You just don't like losing, and the fact that you have, that you _are,_ is just tearing you up inside. Well take a hint… and get out of my face!" When she finished she reached out and shoved me away from her, rolled her eyes one last time, and walked away. I mentally kicked my self. Stupid fool. Of course she wouldn't have said yes. Not when she has Jesse. _Not when she has Jesse._

"**I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder  
Or return to where we were."**

Let's just say that over the next week or so, we weren't as friendly as we had been. Well okay, let's say Suze wasn't as warm towards me as she had been acting. I was still the same with her. I caught up with her the next day. "Come on Suze. I'm sorry." She shot me the death glare and kept walking, her nose in the air. "Suze." I said. "Turn around and talk to me. Stop being immature."

She stopped walking and whirled around. "Me? Immature?" She narrowed her eyes. "Who's the one trying to make my life miserable by hitting on me when I have a boy friend that I love? Who's the one who doesn't know how to leave well enough alone! And now that you've thought about that, who's the one being _immature_!" She turned back around and stomped off.

I paused for a minute and then reached out and grabbed her elbow. "You. You're being immature. I keep trying to talk to you and apologize but you don't LISTEN!" I ran a frustrated hand through my hair and lowered my voice. "If you would just give me two minutes... but you won't even look me in the eyes now!"

She yanked her elbow away. "And I wonder why?" She snarled at me. "Screw you Paul." She threw over her shoulder.

"When?" I called after her with a half-smile. She ignored me, of course. I turned and banged my head against a locker. It was hopeless. But as much as I wanted to, I couldn't help loving Suze. It sounded so easy… but it was harder that it seemed.

"**I will go down with this ship  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender  
There will be no white flag above my door  
I'm in love and always will be"**

I ended up going to the school dance with Kelly. She was so desperate that she was open, waiting for me to ask until the very last minute. I'm sure she could have gotten a different guy to go with her but she wanted to go with _me_. So I finally accepted, and picked her up to go. The whole ride was silent. I got out of my car and turned around and looked at Kelly who was still sitting in the passenger seat. "Are you coming?"

She gave me a dirty look and got out. "The polite thing to do would be to open the door you know, Paul!" I rolled my eyes. She wasn't worth it. The only one who was was getting out across the lot.

I watched them for a second, and then Jesse started heading right towards me with a scowl on his face, and Suze hurrying after him. "Jesse… stop!" She called.

I rolled my eyes. "Actually Kel, you go ahead. I'll be in, in a minute. I have some business to settle." She huffed, but walked inside all the same. I leaned against my car and waited.

"Slater." Jesse nodded to me with a dirty look.

"Ah. Hector." I said with a smirk. "To what do I owe the honor?"

"You need to leave Susannah alone!" He growled. "Stop harassing her; she doesn't appreciate it."

"Well, your precious Susannah must not have told you the part where I tried to apologize- not that you would have cared."

"Actually she told me… grabbing her elbow isn't a good way to get her attention."

I grinned. "Oh, but isn't it though?" I said in a standoffish manner.

Jesse went to grab me but Susannah held him back. "Jesse, knock it off! That's why I don't like telling you stuff like this, you never let it go!"

He turned to face her. "Why are you defending him?" He said, coolly.

"I'm not, I just-"

He cut her off. "Whatever." He gave me one last dirty look, whirled around, and walked off.

Susannah glared at me. "Why are you always messing up everything? Just get out of my life Paul!"

I just looked at her with a smirk. "Sorry sweetheart, but you got yourself into that one. And don't worry." I said, wiping the smirk off my face and showing no emotion. "I'm going back to Seattle as soon as school ends." I turned around and walked into the gym, leaving her alone in the shady parking lot.

"**I know I left too much mess and  
destruction to come back again  
And I caused nothing but trouble  
I understand if you can't talk to me again  
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"  
then I'm sure that that makes sense"**

Needless to say, I didn't have much fun at the dance. But as far as I know, three other people didn't either. Including Kelly, which she proceeded to tell me. "Paul, take me home!" She whined.

I was sitting in the corner next to the punch, watching Suze and Jesse. "Paul!" Kelly snapped.

"What?" I yelled at her, losing patience.

She looked taken aback but lowered her voice. "Take me home."

"No." I said, redirecting my gaze to Suze. "I'm busy."

"Busy doing what!" She screeched, "Spying on Suze? Oh I get it, you can't have her so you settle for a replacement, and spend the whole night sulking."

"That isn't even it Kel." I said angrily. "Am I allowed to be the littlest bit withdrawn since I'm moving back to Seattle sometime next week?" To be honest that wasn't it, and Kelly hit the nail on the head I suppose. But I wasn't going to tell her that.

She gasped. "You are?"

"Yeah." I said, and got up. "Come on." I said rudely.

"Where are we going?" She asked timidly.

"You said you wanted to go home." I snapped, and walked out.

Two days before I moved, I had everything packed up, and Kelly called me to tell me about a going away party she planned for me. I didn't go. Then the last day, I said goodbye to Grandpa Gork, and surprisingly, he said goodbye back and even gave me a hug. Then I packed my stuff into my car, and drove to the airport, but I made one little pit stop.

I parked at the end of the driveway and walked up and rang the bell. And just like I'd been hoping, Suze answered. "Hey." I said, shifting my weight from one foot to the other. She just stared at me with no expression. "Well, okay, we're still not cool. That's okay, I was just coming to say goodbye. I'm, um, leaving today." Still no expression. I sighed, and tried not to show my vulnerability. "So that's it?" I said, with an attempt at a smile, which probably looked more like a grimace. She didn't answer, so I wrapped it up. "Well okay. That's how it is. I won't bother you any more. I know we haven't been the best of friends, but I guess that's fair enough. Bye Suze." I didn't know what to do, so I saluted, and walked off, back to my car.

At first I thought I was imagining the footsteps, but right before I opened my door I heard her yell. "Paul, wait!" I hesitated and turned around. "Please, Suze." I pleaded. "If you're coming to tell me how much you hate me, you've made it clear enough. Don't rub it in." I'm sorry to say that my voice cracked just the tiniest bit, and there was a lump the size of a golf ball in my throat. But Paul Slater doesn't cry.

She finally caught up, and ran right up to me. She stood there for a minute, just looking at me, and then gave me the tiniest of smiles. Then she threw her arms around me. To say I was surprised would be the understatement of the century. But all the same, I wrapped my arms around her and hugged back as tightly as I could, fearing that maybe this was a dream and might slip away. I rested my head on her shoulder and breathed in her scent. She pulled away, the littlest bit, and thinking she might get mad if I didn't. She stood on her tip toes and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Then she held me at an arms length and looked at me. "I'll miss you Paul." She said, and for the first time I noticed the tears running down her cheek. I reached up and wiped one away with my thumb, having a random thought that all her tears were always caused by me.

"I'll miss you too." I said, talking around the lump in my throat. "More then you'll miss me. But you have a reason… a few actually."

"Doesn't matter." She said, and sniffled. "You're a good friend, Paul."

I grinned at her. "You too Suze." I looked into her tear filled emerald green eyes, and felt myself tearing up. _Paul Slater doesn't cry._ I told myself firmly, but it didn't matter. A few tears snaked their way down my face. "I-… I love you Suze." I told her, looking her dead in the eyes. "I know you don't feel the same, and I know that you have Jesse, but I just want you to know, it's not a game, and its not pride, and its not… well it might be a little bit of lust, because you're beautiful, but its not only that. I truly feel something for you that I've never felt before and I just wanted you to know."

She nodded, and I was afraid that I'd upset her, but she smiled through her tears. "I'm sorry." She said. And I knew that she didn't love me, and she truly was sorry. "Can I have one more hug?" I asked, grinning. She smiled and hugged me again, this one a short but brotherly hug. I brushed her hair off of her face and kissed her cheek. "Tell Jesse I said sorry for everything." I ruffled her hair. "See ya around I guess." I had stopped crying but tears were still making their way down her face. "Don't forget me."

I turned around and got in my car. I buckled my seat belt, and she said, "How could I?" I smiled and waved and drove away, watching her in the mirror until she was the tiniest speck. And the last thought that hit me was that she stayed and watched me drive away.

"**And when we meet  
Which I'm sure we will  
All that was there  
Will be there still  
I'll let it pass  
And hold my tongue  
And you will think  
That I've moved on..."**

The next few years were numb. I went in and out of relationships, and I never forgot Suze. I wondered if she thought of me like I did her. Or if she thought of me as much. Probably not. No one could replace her.

Then I saw her. Once I got out of school, I went to visit Grandpa Gork again, who I hadn't seen since I left. The old guy was still living, believe it or not. And as I was walking along the coast at around one in the morning, I heard a familiar voice. I turned and saw Suze running and giggling, splashing through some of the water. She looked behind her and I looked too, and saw a tall man, who I presumed was Jesse, chasing her. I smiled and walked towards them. Not two minutes later, did Suze run into me. "Oops, sorry!" She said laughing hysterically. I reached down and grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet. She looked at me, and furrowed her eyebrows. "Paul? Oh my God, is that you Paul?" I flashed a grin at her.

"Give the girl a prize." Then I said slyly, "Give the guy a hug!" I smiled.

She wrapped her arms around me, and then stepped back. "Wow. It's been a while. You sure do look different."

"Not that long." I replied. "You're still as beautiful as ever." She blushed, and then Jesse caught up. "Who's this _querida_?" He asked.

"Hey Jesse." I said, sticking out my hand. "It's been a while, no?"

He looked at me for a moment and then said, "Paul?" I nodded. He took my hand and shook it, although I could tell it was reluctantly. "How are you?" He asked politely.

"I'm doing okay. Just got out of school so I figured I'd come down and visit Carmel again." I smiled. "How are you guys doing?" I asked, though it was reluctantly. I still wished that Suze was mine, and I still thought about her all the time.

Suze held out her hand and showed me a ring. "You're married?" I asked, awed.

She laughed. "No, not yet, just engaged. He proposed last week, the day after school ended." I could tell she was happy. "Oh wow. Congratulations!" I said, with fake enthusiasm.

"Thanks." Jesse said gruffly. Suze thwacked him on the chest. "Be nice Jesse." He looked at her, wonderingly. "What did I do?" I smiled at their squabbling.

"When are you leaving?" Suze asked, "Maybe we can meet up tomorrow."

I saw the look Jesse shot her, so I politely declined. "Aww, come on Paul." She said. "Ignore the third party. We could just eat somewhere." She pouted.

In reality, I would love to go out with her, so after a little bit of persuading, I agreed. We went out the next day to some fancy restaurant near where I used to live. We had lively conversation, and we all got along well, but for some reason I still felt like a third wheel. Every so often, Jesse would lean over and kiss Suze, and Suze would hold his hand and little things like they shared a banana split. I wished I could be in Jesse's place, but since I wasn't it was easier to deny my love for Suze, and how seeing her after all this time had rekindled my love. But I acted civil, and friendly, and she never knew. I even told them about my recent girl friend, without mentioning the fact that I was going to break up with her soon because I was in love with someone else- Suze.

"**I will go down with this ship  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender  
There will be no white flag above my door  
I'm in love and always will be"**

The day I left I went and said goodbye to my friends. I shook Jesse's hand, and gave Suze a friendly hug, and wondered if it might have been easier if I had never moved to Carmel. Then I wouldn't have to hide my love for Suze. I wouldn't have any.

"**I will go down with this ship  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender  
There will be no white flag above my door  
I'm in love and always will be"**

But then again, I thought, it was probably fate. I was probably meant to be miserable. I turned around and waved before I boarded the plane, but I saw that they had around turned and started walking away, hand in hand. "I love you Susannah Simon." I mumbled to no one. Then I turned around, and boarded the plane.

"**I will go down with this ship  
And I won't put my hands up and surrender  
There will be no white flag above my door  
I'm in love and always will be"**


End file.
